Point of Interest
by arctic draconis
Summary: There are some things that just need to be shared. [Warnings: shounen ai, FujiRyo, crack...cutlery porn...]


Author's note: Once again, this is rather random...my mind wanders when I'm supposed to be paying attention in lectures.  
I must say I was a bit disappointed with how few people lilblossom and I managed to make write inanimate object porn. It really is an intriguing idea if anyone is interested. So, I'll wave the utter crack that is cutlery porn under people's nose in an attempt to attract them (here authors authors authors, I have mind-rotting crack for you...)

Enjoy.

**Point of Interest**

Ryoma pretended to study the book in front of him, trying to make it appear that he really was thinking about classic literature and not imagining defeating his father in an overwhelming victory so as to crush his father's ego into smithereens and thus never again have the will to try and force pictures of naked women on his son.

It was probably a less than successful endeavour due to the vicious smirk that curved his lips at the thought of his father curled in the foetal position crying his heart out.

His musings were interrupted by a knock on the classroom door as Fuji stepped into the doorway. The older boy scanned the room before bowing politely to the teacher.

"May I borrow Echizen Ryoma for a tennis club matter, Harada-sensei? It shouldn't take more than a couple of minutes."

The teacher, fool that he was, believed Fuji's pleasant face and nodded in acquiescence.

Fuji's smile tilted up further at the edges (an obvious sign of danger to those around him) as he beckoned Ryoma from his seat.

Ryoma approached the tensai's waiting form with extreme wariness. The hint of blue he glimpsed upon his arrival did nothing to alleviate his concern for his continued well being.

He trailed Fuji out the door, expecting at any moment for Fuji to purposely embarrass Ryoma in front of the class. However, Fuji didn't even turn to look at him until he stopped halfway down the hallway.

When he did, the blue eyes studying him with poorly hidden glee reaffirmed his earlier fears.

"Saa, Ryoma…"

"Fuji?"

"You're looking very cute today."

Ryoma frowned at the older boy, though he had the uncomfortable feeling he was blushing.

"…Wasn't there some important tennis club business?"

"So very very cute." Fuji's eyes opened wide, taking in the view.

Ryoma looked away from that piercing look "Get to the point Fuji. What did you want?"

"Oh." Fuji tilted his head thoughtfully, though he brightened almost immediately, reaching into his pocket to pull out two very familiar objects.

"Cutlery?"

"Mmhmm."

"Why are you showing me cutlery?"

"Don't they remind you of something?"

"Yes, eating."

"So unimaginative Ryoma. This," Fuji gestured with the spork, "is you. The spife," another hand gesture, "is me."

Ryoma gave Fuji a look of disbelief. "The cutlery is us?"

"Aha." Fuji beamed at Ryoma's seeming comprehension of the situation.

Knowing antagonising a cheerful Fuji was detrimental to his sanity, Ryoma decided to play along.

"I'm sure you make a very good spife. Why am I a spork?"

"Because neither of you can play nicely with others." Fuji produced a plastic fork from his pants pocket and had the Ryoma spork break off the fork's tines. Fuji shook his head sadly. "You're both so antisocial at times."

Ryoma glared at the older boy.

"However, Ryoma spork gets along very well with the Fuji spife." Fuji brought the pieces of cutlery together, unlike the previous demonstration, without incident. He then ground their handles together, repeating the action a number of times.

Ryoma gaped at the display. It took him a few moments to regain the use of his vocal chords.

"You're making the cutlery have sex?"

"Maa maa, Ryoma, such a dirty mind. I'm sure Ryoma spork and Fuji spife are hurt by your insinuation." Fuji repeated the grinding movement before thrusting their ends together again. _And again_. "This is only foreplay."

Ryoma gave the older boy a level stare. "You're sick. You know that, right?"

"I'm not the one imagining cutlery having sex."

"No, you're the one grinding cutlery together in an imitation of a sexual act."

Fuji gave the cutlery a surprised look, then suggestively stroked the spork's handle. "So I am."

"…"

"Don't you want to join me?"

"I'm going back to class." Ryoma suited actions to words and stalked back towards his class room.

"But Ryoma, I'm not finished showing you the joys of cutlery, and I haven't even gotten to the office supplies yet. Ryoma sharpener and Fuji scissors want to show you the twist and grind."

The door slamming was his only response.

X----------X----------X----------X----------X

Reviews appreciated. Criticisms considered. Flames ignored.

For more details of the goodness that is inanimate object porn, if you follow the link to my lj from my profile page, my memories- "PoT" has a memorandum on inanimate object porn.

The crack is goof for your soul.

If I'm wrong, I'll read RyoSaku

full body shudder


End file.
